I present to you my first annual Sociological Case Study:
I boarded my 1:20pm Southwest Airlines flight 1710 from Burbank to San Jose. Forty-six minute flight from wheels up to wheels down. Boeing 737 (officially commissioned in 1998) plane on time; no delays during boarding process. The temperature is warm inside the airplane but all vents are operating and overall climate can only be described as comfortable. Completely full flight. Open seating here on Southwest Airlines, if you see a middle seat take it. Your boarding group is not indicative of your seat, sir you and your two mouthbreathing kids need to make a decision and go with it. Be decisive for me one time.
Upon reaching cruising altitude (36,500ft), the flight attendants make their rounds through the cabin to fulfill complementary drink orders for the short flight. Unexpected turbulence strikes the plane before beverages can be served. Nothing to write home about, but noticeable and understandable to err on the side of caution rather than distribute three oz generic brand apple juice to the masses.
A Caucasian woman in her late 50s possibly early 60s starts a commotion. The woman is three rows up and an aisle over from my window seat. She can be heard saying in a rather panicky-loud voice that there are children on board who need water. Up to this point I have not noticed any children displaying any signs of distress. It has been a pleasant flight thus far. The young Male flight attendant does his best “customer is always right” and smiles and profusely apologizes that beverages were not able to be served. The distraught woman goes on to say that the turbulence was not severe enough to cancel the in-flight beverage service. She demands to speak to a supervisor upon landing. Now, the unhappy woman by all accounts and witnesses (me) boarded this flight on her own. But she appears to be doing her best Gloria Allred impersonation by speaking up for the young Asian mother of two children (approximate ages one and four. Gender unknown due to being Asian babies). Again, I’m no pediatrician (although my on/off friend Josh is one) but these children seem to be showing no signs of dehydration or any abnormalities.
I de-board the plane and walk past this woman who is now berating a Southwest Airlines big-Whig (he’s wearing creased pants and not khaki shorts so I assume he’s a big swingin’ dick in the Southwest Airlines caste system) about the lack of beverage service and overhyped turbulence. We’ve come to the climax folks…who is at fault here? Southwest Airlines for not bracing the elements and serving beverages no matter the cost to the flight attendants equilibriums? Nancy Pelosi’s bipolar and perhaps schizo-affective second-cousin once removed who should have packed adequate nutrients in the event of encountering two Asian pediatrics going into alleged heat exhaustion instead of relying on a budget airline to provide distilled triple-filtered reverse osmosis naturally cooled cavernous water? Perhaps we need to take this to the source and have a meeting with the nerds at Boeing for not figuring out how best to combat turbulence? With the advent of drones, are we currently witnessing the pussification of airline pilots? A little gust of wind and they wish they were back on the joystick indiscriminately carpet bombing enemies of the states in order to liberate the oppressed. Brick and mortar just ain’t what it used to be.
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I ask that you humbly and responsibly consider who is at fault here. May Juris Prudence live longer than thyself.
Sincerely,
Your humble servant and bored passenger in seat 25A.